7 phrases people with excellent social skills use that instantly make others feel special

You know that person who walks into a room and suddenly everyone feels a little more at ease? The one who remembers your name, asks thoughtful questions, and makes you feel like you actually matter to them?

I used to think those people were just naturally charismatic. Born with it. But the more I’ve paid attention, the more I’ve realized something different. They’re not necessarily more interesting or more charming. They’re just more intentional about how they make others feel.

And here’s what I’ve discovered—it comes down to the specific things they say. Not grand gestures or elaborate compliments. Just small, deliberate phrases that shift how someone experiences the conversation.

After watching this pattern repeat across friendships, work environments, and even casual encounters, I started noticing what made the difference. It’s less about being the most talkative person in the room and more about being the person who makes others feel genuinely seen.

Let me walk you through the eight phrases I’ve noticed people with genuinely excellent social skills tend to lean on.

1. “Tell me more about that”

This one seems almost too simple, doesn’t it?

But I’ve watched it work magic. Someone mentions something—barely more than a passing comment—and instead of pivoting to their own story, someone with real social skills leans in and asks this phrase.

What’s happening here is something psychologists call active listening validation. You’re signaling that what they said matters enough to explore further. That their thoughts aren’t just filler between your turns to talk.

I had a friend who did this at every dinner party. People would tell me afterward that she was “the best conversationalist,” but honestly, she spoke less than anyone else. She just asked more questions and actually cared about the answers.

When you ask someone to elaborate, you’re essentially telling them: “I’m interested in your inner world.” That feeling? It’s incredibly rare. Most people are too busy waiting for their turn to talk.

2. “I hadn’t thought of it that way”

Here’s the vulnerability embedded in this phrase—it admits you don’t have all the answers.

And people with strong social skills understand something crucial: intellectual humility is magnetic. It gives others permission to think differently. It creates space for nuance instead of debate.

I remember a colleague saying this to me during a project disagreement. Not as a concession, but as a genuine shift in perspective. I didn’t feel like I’d won an argument. I felt heard. Respected.

The science backs this up. Researchers in social psychology have found that people who demonstrate openness to different viewpoints are perceived as more trustworthy and more intelligent—not less. Counterintuitive, but true.

It’s the opposite of defensiveness, which is what most people default to when challenged.

3. “I really needed to hear that”

Think about how rare it is to hear someone actually admit they needed something someone else said.

People with exceptional social skills aren’t afraid to show this kind of authentic vulnerability. They’ll tell someone that a piece of advice, a perspective, or even just a moment of honesty genuinely shifted something for them.

I’ve done this myself and watched the impact. Someone shares something vulnerable with me, and instead of offering solutions or minimizing their concern, I simply say, “I really needed to hear that too.” Not as flattery. As truth.

What you’re doing is creating reciprocal vulnerability. You’re saying, “Your words mattered to me. I’m not above being affected by what you share.”

Most people are too afraid to admit they need anything from anyone else. So when you do, it registers.

4. “I was thinking about you the other day”

This phrase does something specific. It proves that someone occupies space in your mind even when they’re not in the room.

Not in a creepy way. In the way that says: I don’t just interact with you when I’m forced to. I actually think about you.

I’ve seen this used in so many contexts—after not seeing someone for months, during a casual text, even in professional settings. The effect is always the same. People visibly soften.

Behavioral researchers have found that people deeply crave this kind of sustained attention. Not just being remembered, but being thought of. It’s a specific kind of validation that our brains interpret as “I matter to this person.”

The key is sincerity. You can’t fake this one. But if you genuinely do think about someone, saying it out loud is a gift.

5. “That must have been really difficult”

Notice this phrase doesn’t try to fix anything or minimize the experience.

People with excellent social skills resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or cheerful reframes. They just acknowledge the weight of what someone experienced.

I watched my partner do this with a friend who was going through a rough breakup. No “you’ll find someone better.” No “at least you have…” Just: “That must have been really difficult.”

And the friend completely broke down—in a good way. Sometimes people just need their pain to be acknowledged, not solved.

This is what psychologists call emotional attunement. You’re matching the emotional reality instead of trying to change it. It’s the opposite of toxic positivity, and people can feel the difference immediately.

There’s something deeply respectful about sitting with someone’s struggle without rushing to fix it.

6. “I admire that about you”

This beats generic compliments every single time.

Instead of “You’re so smart” or “You look great,” people with real social skills point out specific qualities they actually respect. “I admire how you handle conflict without getting defensive.” “I admire that you’re willing to change your mind.”

It’s specific. It’s observed. And it demonstrates that you’re actually paying attention to who someone is, not just what they look like or their surface accomplishments.

I’ve received compliments like this and they stick with me for years. Not because they were elaborate, but because they revealed that someone saw something in me worth noticing.

Genuine admiration is incredibly rare. Most people are too caught up in their own insecurities to genuinely admire traits in others. So when someone does it, it lands.

7. “What do you think I should do?”

This phrase asks someone to step into an advisor role. It positions them as someone whose perspective you value.

I’ve noticed that people with exceptional social skills don’t pretend to have all the answers. They invite others into their decision-making process.

This does two things simultaneously. It makes the other person feel consulted and important. And it creates deeper connection because you’re letting them see your uncertainty, your real thinking process.

Research in social psychology shows that when people feel consulted and valued, they experience a significant boost in self-worth and connection to the person seeking their input. It’s not manipulation if it’s genuine—and people can tell the difference.

You’re essentially saying: “Your wisdom matters to me.”

What this really means

If you’ve been reading this thinking, “I don’t naturally do any of these things,” here’s what I want you to know: neither did I. Not at first.

Social skills aren’t magic. They’re just intentional choices. Small shifts in how you frame what you say and why you say it. The willingness to make someone feel seen instead of just heard.

The people who master this aren’t necessarily the most naturally gifted. They’re just the ones who decided that how other people feel in their presence matters enough to be deliberate about it.

And that choice—that decision to show up with genuine interest and authentic presence—changes everything about how others experience you.